High school AU open post

Barty was terrified. He'd never had a panic attack, but he was fairly sure he almost had one while talking himself into coming here. He wasn't sure if it was a good idea for him to visit Koschei, whether it wouldn't mess the man up more. He was even less sure whether it was a good idea for him to face him, because he wasn't sure he could actually handle it.

There wasn't really anyone he could talk to. Koschei had been his best friend since way back and anyone else he knew... He'd not tell them about any of this. He was alone, but he was used to that. It didn't make it easier, though. He kept a hand in his pocket as he waited for Koschei, fingers playing with the ring Koschei had given him once as a joke. Seemed like years ago, another lifetime, and it felt childish to hold on to it now as if it was some good luck charm, but it was better than nothing. Much better than nothing.

"I don't want to see him," Koschei had said when the idea had been proposed to him yesterday. And he'd said it again every hour on the hour since then. Of course that didn't stop his well being 'assistant' from trying to force him to do it. Apparently it'd be good for him to talk to someone. Especially since he denied seeing his parents every time they tried to come.

Eventually, when it was ten minutes passed the time he was meant to meet Barty and they were debating telling him to come back another day, Koschei felt a weird surge of panic and finally agreed to go see him.

They had to sit in a boring white room with nothing that could be used as a weapon and Koschei was stuck in these boring white pyjamas that sort of blended in. They'd taken his slippers away since he'd developed a habit of attacking his doctor with them so he was stuck in just dull white socks. Everything was so white here. He took a seat like he was supposed to and crossed his arms, not willing to make eye contact with anyone. He didn't want to talk Barty or to look at him... he just wanted to be near him for a little while.

"Hey." At least Barty was definitely not white, given he'd pretty much mostly worn dark clothes since he bought them himself and while that made him stand out in this place like a dark spot, at least it broke the white monotone a little.

Barty looked at Koschei, feeling the urge to hug him and apologize, to tell him he loved him and that it would all be alright. To tell him he missed him, too, hell, to tell him a hundred different unimportant stories that he hadn't been able to tell him in a long time for obvious reasons. Talk about movies he'd seen, talk about the new brand of cereal with that ridiculous name, make fun of people they knew, everything. Instead, he said nothing at first and then, finally, when Koschei didn't say anything either, "Sorry."

"You're a traitor, I'm going to rot here now thanks to you," Koschei spat out almost on impulse, unable to deal with apologises and small talk. It wasn't fair! The postman shouldn't of harassed him like that, he started this. And now he was trapped, he was going to rot and die in this horrible white blur of a place. Being forced to take his meds, play dull board games and talk about his feelings. It frustrated him more than anything.

And he couldn't do anything about it. He still kept his eyes down, not wanting to look at him. He just wanted him to shut up so they could just sit in silence. Hence why he used his hands to cover his ears and try to stop the noise. "I can't believe you did this to me. You deceiving bastard."

Barty flinched back, his hands tightening to fists, one hand closing so tightly around the ring in his pocket that he was sure he'd have an imprint of it. He had been expecting this, hadn't he? That's why he had been so hesitant to come, after all. But apparently a part of him that he'd been trying to pretend didn't exist anymore had been hoping Koschei would have forgiven him. Would even see sense and want to make it up to him like he had that one time. Damn, he was an idiot.

"I hope you'll be out soon," was all he said, although it wasn't said very loudly and he had no idea if Koschei would hear. He waited a few seconds longer and then he slowly got up, not wanting to move too fast. "Bye, Koschei."

Koschei was hoping Barty would stay with him, just for a while, in the silence just to be with him and only him. Like he did back home. But he was leaving, just like that. Seconds and nothing more. And all that left him with was a horribly hollow sickness in his stomach. He sprang from his seat and rushed to Barty, desperately grabbing onto his arm and holding it as tight as he could. He knew that the orderlies would come to remove him soon but he couldn't just let Barty leave him like this.

"Don't go! Please! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do it. Don't make me stay here, I want to come home," Koschei insisted, gripping on like his life depended on it. And, finally, he looked at him with desperate wanting in his eyes. "I don't want to be here, I want to be with you! I won't ever hurt anyone again if you just let me come home."

When Koschei moved so fast, grabbed for him, Barty froze up, terrified. His heart was beating up to his throat and he didn't move, half-expecting to be hit. When Koschei just held on to him instead, he managed to calm down a little more again.

The orderlies did come, but he said it was alright, even if part of him was relieved when Koschei let go and was made to sit down again. He sat down once more as well, trying to find the right words.

"I'll stay a while longer," was all he finally said.

Koschei was forced back into a seat and given a firm warning that he wasn't allowed to lash out, even if he hadn't even done it in the first place. Once they had safely retreated away, Koschei ran his fingers through his hair, not sure what to do. Barty hadn't even attempted to help him leave, he just looked scared. That didn't bode well. How was he going to get out if even Barty wasn't on his side.

"I'm sorry," Koschei finally offered, letting his head drop into his hands. "I just want to go home. I don't like it here. They're all working against me, they're making me sick. I didn't mean to scare you -- I just wanted to go home."

Was that really so much to ask?

"They said you won't have to be here much longer, at this rate," Barty said, because he didn't want to go into how 'home' as such didn't exist anymore. He couldn't stay living in a flat stained with blood, that held too many memories. The information on where his stuff was in storage, all of that, Koschei would learn of it when he was ready. Barty hadn't exactly kept much to himself. He didn't want much and what he did want he couldn't have.

"I'm sorry I got scared. I kind of jump easily." These days.

"They'll never let me leave. They keep adding things and asking things. Barty, I'm going to die here," Koschei insisted, not believing these people wanted to help him. Whenever he disobeyed, they forced him to correct it and do as he was told, he was basically nothing more than a slave. It was like school all over again, the bigger and more powerful forcing him to kneel and obey.

He couldn't take it much longer, he was barely sleeping and eating, he didn't do much but try and put up with these moronic idiots. Then he could go home, sleep in his own bed and lie with Barty again. Well, if he could.

"I suppose we're not together now, are we?" Koschei asked finally, knowing no one in their right mind would still want him. Not after all he'd done. "We can still be friends though."

"No, we're not." It wasn't easy to say and even more difficult to actually hear, but he wasn't going to lie to Koschei, either. He had had to do that entirely too often for his tastes. "I'd like to be friends with you."

It still hurt to see him like this, but at least the knowledge that Koschei didn't hate him, not entirely, helped a little. Maybe he could get on with his life, at least a little. If he could, he'd only ever just go back into the past, back to the time when he couldn't have imagine anything like this situation. When he didn't feel like a coward, like an idiot and failure. Yes, he'd have liked that.

"Just friends," Koschei muttered under his breath, trying to ignore how much his heart ached at the thought. He loved Barty, he still talked about him endlessly and thought about him all the time, he just didn't know how he could ever win him back. Maybe he just couldn't. There wasn't a way, he had lost him. But he could still be friends. That was enough. For now.

"Maybe we shouldn't even do that," Koschei said finally, looking sadly at Barty. What had he done to his best friend and most dearest companion? Nothing positive. Beaten him, broken him, dragged him through the mud. He'd just taken every little petty thing out on him for no reason. "I'm an awful friend. I'm an awful person. I was doing so well and I had to go and ruin it. And I'm always going to ruin it because that's who I am. No wonder Theta stopped returning my calls."

He was toxic. And the greatest thing he could do for Barty was to leave him. Save him from this misery.

"Don't be silly, Koschei. Of course I want to be friends with you. And you know how flighty Theta can be, chances are he'll just be around in half a year or so and pretend it's only been a week." Barty offered a smile that was genuine enough, if not especially bright. "We've missed so many ridiculous superhero movies. They're no fun to watch without you."

"I can't watch movies here," Koschei said with a long sigh, slumped over the table looking about as fed up as he felt. Well, you know, mental hospitals aren't very fun. No one to talk to, nothing to do and nothing to watch. "My therapist says I need to earn more points to watch TV but to do that I have to go a group and talk about my feelings."

Which, as can probably be imagined, Koschei didn't do well. "I miss superhero films. And Theta. And you."

"Can you read books? Comics? Anything like that?" He ran his fingers through his hair, nervous but trying to relax. Trying to make the most of this, trying to make Koschei feel better. At least he had some expertise in that.

"I haven't watched any of them, so once you're out in a bit, we can watch them together. Well, maybe not all of them in one sitting, but you know what I mean. maybe Theta can come, too."

"I'm not allowed comics and only certain books that have to be picked through a careful system so I don't get distressed or overexcited," Koschei admitted, almost quoting his doctor in a very deadpanned manner. He didn't like this whole song and dance to amuse himself but he supposed this was his punishment. He'd tried to kill someone, he supposed he deserved a little suffering.

"We could, yeah," Koschei agreed, not sure if they ever would. He didn't know if the plans would stick but it was nice to be able to agree. "I'd like to. I'd like to do anything but stay here. Did they tell you how much longer I'd be stuck here?"

"Well. I'll try to figure out the system and maybe I can get some books through it anyhow." It didn't sit right with him that Koschei was being treated like that, although he knew that it was necessary. But it just wasn't the way it was supposed to be.

"No, I don't think they know for sure yet. But they said you're making very good progress. I can ask for more information, if they'll give me any."

"You'll have to ask them, I'm not allowed certain things. Can't have chocolate any more, because of the sugar. Apparently it'd bad for me," Koschei knew why he had to do these things and hey, it was better than prison. Which, admittedly, he was threatened with till they realised they couldn't get him out from under the table in the interview room. Then it became more and more obvious that something was wrong.

"Good, find out. And come back soon, no one really comes to visit. Well, my parents, but I don't want to see them," he could stand to look them in the eyes. Not after everything he was and how much he'd fallen. They'd never understand.

"I'll have to get a list. I wasn't sure what I could or should bring, so I brought nothing this time." Barty ruffled his own hair, swallowing. He wanted to hug Koschei, he wanted to hold him so badly. It almost physically hurt that he couldn't, knowing what a bad idea it might be. "Then next time I'll come bearing gifts. Promise. I wasn't sure you'd want to see me."

"I didn't," Koschei admitted, he had been so angry and so scared, not wanting to face him. And now, here he was, about to be left behind again because his visiting time was nearly over and not really feeling much better. He'd lost Barty, he had that officially confirmed, but that's all he got out of this meeting. He'd degraded himself pathetically by begging to go home and all he'd gained was a shred less of dignity. God, he hated this so much. "... Can I write to you sometime. I won't be able to send it but I can give you them next time you come or something. I'm allowed paper and pens."

High school AU open post

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject