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[Hello, Master! Guess who's possibly unnervingly calm face is on the screen?]

Just a friendly warning, Time Lord to Time Lord. I'm not sure even you'd be quite so stupid as to try it, but if Clementine is harmed in any way by you or someone you've convinced to do your dirty work for you, you will regret it.

For now, she is a smart child, and I've educated her on your true nature, and I see no harm in conversing with her where people can see you. She knows how to handle herself, and she knows what to do if you try anything. She's also disturbingly comfortable with a gun.

[He'll just leave the rest for the Master's imagination.]

And if I were you, I wouldn't make the mistake in making assumptions about my pacifist nature. I'm out of patience with the idea of giving anyone who has ideas about hurting those I care about a chance.

[The Master returns the message as a video, seemingly very pleased to do so. Hence the big grin he presents to the Doctor.]

I assume Clementine is that little girl with the walkie talkie? Hmm. Why do humans insist on naming their kids after fruit? Such a stupid practise, who loves a fruit that much? Or is it just human policy to destroy their children's lives with stupid names? I had a PR associate called Chrystal once, it was a baffling thing. Sounded like a stripper.

[He's casually not focusing on the threat or the topic at hand because he really had no idea and he seriously doesn't need a kids death on his hands. It'd ruin is reputation and he seriously wasn't up for being exposed this early.]

Don't get yourself tied up in knots, I'm shockingly not that invested in making friends with a child. I was just being nice. I'm allowed to be nice, aren't I? [They complain when he's evil, they complain when he's nice. He can't win.]

You know, I miss your tenth regeneration. Now there was a Doctor. The right mix of pacifism and hypocrisy. It was delightful. You're no fun.

No knots here, Master. [He almost blurts out "Koschei" there, but decides it was probably not the right time.] Not yet, at least.

You're allowed to be nice. Of course you are. It would even be smashing if you remained nice. I am simply being nice enough to give prior warning.

Master...I'm tired of the games. I won't play them with you. Maybe it makes me less fun than my tenth incarnation, but I've just...had enough.

I thought I already made knots when I spoke of ... [There's a pause as he assess whether or not he wants another argument. He decides it's easier not to, not while he's trying to avoid a public outing.] You know, that special time in every Doctor's life when they went to war?

Nice is boring though, isn't it? What do you gain from being nice?

[He'd never gained anything from being nice. He'd never gained much from being evil, either, now he thought about it. But one was definitely more fun than the other.] How can you of had enough? We've barely done anything together! Our epic journey has only just begun. Oh! Like young lovers. We could really benefit from a romantic get away, darling, this rut we're stuck in needs to be changed. Perhaps that's why we fight so much?

Ah, yes. Well, I mean in this instance.

[Eight lifts a brow.]

You gain the benefit of having all your limbs in working order. I'm really not playing, Master.

[Eight tilts his head and has to burst out into an amused laugh at that.]

Sorry, Master. I'm quite taken, I'm afraid. You lost your chance a long time ago around the third time you tried killing me.

Oh, have I been a good boy so far? I am proud. I should get a reward for this. I haven't pissed a Doctor off for over five minutes. It's truly an achievement.

[He couldn't hide his own amused smirk.]

I could be the nicest man in town and I'd still never be in working order. Not really.

[He taps the side of his head four times to make a point. The drums rather neatly took care of any yearning he had to be a good person. They always got worse the nicer he was.]

Oh, what a shame. I suppose I must continue with those who like my kinkier side. I know a few who adore it when I try to kill them, it's like foreplay.

[Eight rolls his eyes.]

Don't push it.

[The amusement fades a bit, because he really does feel pity for how broken the Master has become. It doesn't excuse anything he's done, but it's sad nonetheless.]

I don't find it a shame. Being engaged has been...not nearly as frightening as I thought it was going to be.

[Wait, what?]

Do they really enjoy it, or is that what you tell yourself?

So no trophy and award ceremony? Darn, I was looking forward to that.

[He gives this Doctor a slight frown. Oh wonderful, had he fallen for another Earth girl. He seriously had an obsession, it was a little weird.]

You're getting married? Here, of all places. While in the middle of being held captive by petty Gods during a war? Cute. Where will you honeymoon? A battlefield? And besides, how many times have you been married now?

[He was sure the Doctor married before this. Probably more than once. Such an old romantic.]

I'm like 90% sure they enjoy it. And even if he doesn't, he'll learn to. [Note how it went from 'they' to 'him'. Totally accidental.]

Only the once, so far! Apparently my later incarnations add a few more, though.

And why not? It'll be an excuse for a good party, plus it will make Charley happy, and I'm already fully devoted to her. I don't see any reason why I shouldn't make a public declaration of that devotion.

[Wait a minute.]

He? He who?

I'm sure you had a wife back home. Or someone. I lost track after the academy.

[He had a grand-daughter so he always just assumed. though he didn't actually want to know, personally. ~~He was always better than any wife. You missed out, pal.~~]

Well, you know, you can't beat the truly romantic setting of a kidnapping. And when one of you dies or is mysteriously sent home, it'll be very easy to move on knowing this romance was totally crushed and destroyed.

[-- oh shit, when did he switch to he? Okay, damage control.]

He? What do you mean? [Playing it super casual.]

Edited 2014-01-13 21:56 (UTC)

[Wives don't usually try to kill you. You know, unless you're Eleven and married to River Song.

There is a slight tightening of his expression. He tries not to think much about his old life. Thankfully it's been a very long time now.]

Yes, that's what I mean. If I remember right, I haven't been married since...yet.

[Oooh, that struck a chord somehow. The Master's going into his excessively casual mode. Dude, you've known each other since you were kids. He knows this act.]

I mean, you slipped and said "he". Do we get to know, or will we have to eventually find out for ourselves?

I wish I could talk to my future or past incarnations, give them a few tips. You're cheating doing all of this.

[He wishes he could go back, tell his younger self that the shoulder pads didn't work, the cape was awful and never go to America. Also to gloat less and kill faster.]

I didn't slip up, I never slip up.

[Eye twitch. Totally slipped up.]

I can assure you, if I met anyone with half a brain here, I'd be showing them off as it'd truly be a miracle to have some intelligent company. Alas, here I am, a bright spark in a dull fire.

[Barty is ever so subtly lifting the book he reads higher to hide the reaction to those words.

Aw, Master, you shouldn't have.]

[He doesn't care if Eight can see this but he rather skilfully picks up a book he has sitting just beside him and lobs it over his shoulder ever so casually, trying his hardest to hit him because he can totally sense that smile.

Stop it, it's too nice. Prick.]

[He ducks and rolls to the side to avoid the book, then tries his very best to smother the chuckle that's threatening to escape. It's ever so tempting, really, to start teasing the Master, but keeping his face and name secret is in his favour, really, so he just blows him a kiss, silently. And, yes, he's smiling.]

[He smirks, pretending not to notice the book flying.]

You're a terrible liar.

Fine, fine...but you know what happens with secrets in this city.

Edited 2014-01-13 23:38 (UTC)

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